Monday, December 24, 2018

With Love from Seattle: Holiday Greetings 2018

My cherished professor Hubert Locke passed away this year. He's
pictured here at my 50th birthday party surrounded by adoring
students, grad school friends Chris, Ellen & Suzanne, June 2013
My pal Moey and me in front of miniature tree
at home, Seattle, December 22, 2018
"Imagination is the rearrangement of life as we know it now. It is not about the magical or fantastic. As Pablo Picasso writes, "Everything you can imagine is real." Get it? Real."                          
                            
                                                                                     --Joan Chittister, The Monastic Way


December 20, 2018
Season’s Greetings from the Great Northwest!
Walking to work this morning, feelings of gratitude washed over me. It was a typical December day in Seattle, grey with a light drizzle, and as I crested the hill looking west toward the Space Needle and downtown Seattle memories of arriving here 32 years ago drifted in & out of my mind. While there’s countless more high rises dotting the skyline, there’s still a calm about walking the Seattle sidewalks heading downhill toward this booming metropolis.
The past two years my life has changed in numerous ways. In January 2017 after I parted ways with my church job at St. Joseph Parish, I decided to take a chance on something I’d dreamed about but never had the faith or confidence to pursue. I was enrolled in acting classes at Freehold Theatre, an actor’s training studio. When I told them I lost my job they were willing to hire me as a work study student. 
Pure Joy: Meisner Graduating Class, June 12, 2018
I continued there, through 2017 and into 2018, enrolling in a 9 month Meisner technique class, a method where there is a greater focus on the other actor as opposed to one's internal thoughts or feelings associated with the character.  Last June I completed that class, one of my proud accomplishments the past year. My classmates and I continue to meet to practice, prep for auditions, and encourage one another. While in the Meisner program I found work as a concierge at the Westin Hotel in downtown Seattle and worked part time while going to school, auditioning for commercial and stage work, and volunteering once a week at a local hospice.
This summer I decided I needed to return to work fulltime. After a 6 month search I was offered a position at University of Washington Medicine as an Admin Assistant in their Compliance Department. It’s only been three weeks, but I feel very much at home here. I like working in a higher education setting. Our office addresses HIPAA/Privacy issues and Conflicts of Interest/Ethics in the medical research area. I manage the schedule, coordinate meetings, and oversee planning for one of the compliance officers, a good humored woman who worked in environmental law before coming to the University.
Summertime Hiking Weekend  Getaway in Canada,
near Whistler, B.C., July 2018
I continue to swim and run with my sporting groups. I’m in the midst of a holiday show called Jingle All the Way with Seattle Men’s Chorus. On December 23rdI’ll receive my 20 year pin, and I’m tickled at how excited I am. Hard to believe I’ve sung for 20 seasons with this group of talented and caring men. I started in 1998 when both my parents were still alive. The group served as a support during that time of loss in 2000 and 2001.
We Are Family: Grady-Bazur family wedding in
Washington, D.C., June 2018
I experienced other losses this year. My beloved professor Hubert Locke passed away the weekend before my birthday. We kept in touch after my graduation from the U.W. in 1993 up until his death. I spoke with him the week before and shared with him my excitement around my acting studies and opportunities. As I crested the hill I felt this great joy in knowing he’d be so proud of me as I completed this new chapter of my new life and march on to this next one at U.W. I also lost several family members: my cousins Dennis, Rick, and Jim. Those sad happenings were lightened by the family reunion on my father’s side in September in Cleveland. I relished in the laughter and warmth of the Hilovsky clan. And earlier in the summer, found joy on my mother’s side, attending the wedding of cousin John Dylan in Washington, D.C. in June.
Here’s wishing you and yours a blessed and happy season. May 2019 make all your dreams come true!
Love,
Jack

Whale Watching off the coast of the San Juan Islands
with friend Eric Roecks, May 2018

Sunday, January 1, 2017

New Year's Greeting 2016

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. 
Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."


--Winston Churchill--

As 2016 comes to an end, I'm reflective of all that's happened. We've emerged from the financial crisis of 2008-09 but not everyone has experienced the same level of prosperity or recovery. Many people in our country feel left out, not heard. Many are upset the election of 2016 did not go there way. There's a crisis of confidence in our institutions. The cost of an education is paralyzing for some families. In Seattle, many people struggle to pay the rent due to high housing costs and homelessness feels endemic. Even I the eternal optimist wonders if it's possible to find common ground among different political and religious factions. And yet I recall the beauty of our country is in its diversity and can-do-spirit, where anything is possible. So I vow to re-focus my energy on my community and the improvements I can make here. "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," goes the reputed quote from Neal Armstrong when he set foot on the moon.

Eric, Lu-Ann, and Jack
celebrating last New Year's
I rang in last New Year's with good friends Eric and Lu-Ann Roecks and will travel with them in Feb/March 2017 to Reykjavik, Iceland to see the Northern Lights for Eric's milestone birthday. Then we'll continue on to the Netherlands, where I'll reconnect with an old friend I first met in Amsterdam when backpacking through Europe in 1990. Thomas and I have not seen each other for 25 years so it will be a thrill to visit him.

This past year I continued to swim, hike, and enjoy the company of good friends. I traveled to Cleveland for my 30th college reunion at John Carroll in June, then in early August hiked with my outdoing group near Whistler in British Columbia. In September I joined my friend Chip in La Jolla for a long weekend by the beach. I'm so lucky to be able to take these mini-trips and explore new adventures with old and new friends.

In September I began a nine-month retreat based on the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. SEEL, or Spiritual Exercises in Everyday Life, requires that I take one hour every day for reflection/meditation/prayer and meet with a Spiritual Director twice a month. Once a month the entire group of 40 retreatants meets for a morning workshop. The retreat has enriched my life and given me much food for thought. I feel like I'm growing from the inside out and reevaluating many of my habits and ways of thinking. There's always room for growth in my book so I'm keeping my mind and heart open to spirit however it chooses to manifest in my life.

Hiking Whistler this summer in British Columbia
I wish for you and all my family and friends the same--an open heart, willingness to risk, to grow, explore, surprise ourselves, and most importantly to love. Happy New Year to one and all! May 2017 be a year where we dedicate ourselves to greater peace, joy, and awareness.

With Love,

Jack

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Holiday Letter 2015 from Seattle with Love

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river 
and he's not the same man.”

--Heraclitus--

Snowshoeing with OutVentures friends, April 2015
December 24, 2015

One thing in life is certain. Change. 2015 brought plenty to me.

  • At this time last year, one job ended. A new one began this spring--overseeing communications for my spiritual home, St. Joseph, a Jesuit Parish on Capitol Hill, the neighborhood where I live. 
  • Last year a new relationship began. In August, it sadly ended. 
  • There was time with friends and family both here in Seattle and in Cleveland, Portland and New York City.  
  • I sang with Seattle Mens Chorus, swam in Lake Washington and the Cantabrian Sea (Spain), snowshoed and hiked in the Cascade Mountains. 
  • This fall I traveled to Portugal and Spain with my dear friend Jenny and soaked up the rich splendor and history of the Iberian Peninsula. Tracing the Route of Santiago de Compostela from west to east, visiting Guernica and Basque Country, discovering Bilbao, and rediscovering Barcelona and Gaudi's La Sagrada Familia were highlights of my trip.
Impromptu Cleveland visit with cousins Amy, Barb and Tom
Spring 2015
To all my beloved friends and family, I send peace, love, and joy. Thank you for your presence in my life. I love each and every one of you. My hope for 2016 is that we grow closer in our relationships and reach out to others who have less bounty and good fortune....that we put aside our differences and discover our commonalities....that we laugh more and cry when the spirit moves us. And more peace, definitely more peace.

P.S. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, here's a few choice ones to capture this last year. 
family

Reunion with Fischbach/Grady cousins: Kathlene, Jan, Carole
(and Maureen, not pictured), Spring 2015


friendship


Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and the Best New Year ever. 




Jack



life is a rainbow


Celebrating friends Brian & Joseph's wedding, August 2015
Cousins Peter & Betsy visit Seattle (l-r, Moi, Larry, Betsy,
Peter, & Kelly Riley), April 2015
St. Joseph Parish Center & Church, my new workplace,
a bike ride from home

soul


Jenny & Moi in the Spanish Pyrenees,
another trip of a lifetime, Nov 2015

stop
smell the roses 
At home at Garden Court, Loving the Tulips, Spring 2015

dance

life is about the people you meet, and the things you create with them







some opportunities 
only come once...
seize them

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Season's Greetings from Jack--Holiday 2014

"Tradition is meant to help us enjoy an important part of life without having to make it up all over again every time we do it."

--Joan Chittister from The Monastic Way--

Christmas Eve 2014

Dear Family and Friends,

Greetings from rainy Seattle. No white Christmas this year like 2008 when a glorious snowstorm hit several days before Santa's big adventure. That year I hauled in the newly-purchased tree with help from my neighbor and friend Val. The next day I hosted a caroling gathering at my home as the white stuff fell non-stop the entire afternoon and into the evening transforming my courtyard into a Winter Wonderland.  Meggie, my beloved black and tan cock-a-poo, was still alive, adorned in a red plaid bow. Six dear friends--Tom, Jer, Ray, Val, and Lynelle--gathered round the piano to sing, and we cut out paper snowflakes to hang on the tree. One of my favorite Christmas memories--now six years past.
With good friend Kevin off the
 coast of Roatan, a snorkeling paradise, January 2014.
2014 brought more blessings than I could have ever imagined. Last Christmas Day I flew to Florida with my friend Kevin to meet cousins on my father's side for a New Years' cruise in the Eastern Caribbean. We snorkeled in the famous emerald waters off the coast of Roatan, the largest of Honduras' Bay Islands. We sailed on to Belize for a zipline adventure followed  by adventures with the dolphins in Costa del Maya, Mexico. Plenty of sunshine and family time, a wonderful way to usher in a New Year.

On the heels of that trip I resolved to return to one of my life loves: the theatre. I struck gold twice, first in January when I was cast in Checkoff in the Sun, an ensemble production in the 47-seat Eclectic, a black box theatre, on Capitol Hill where I live. I learned a lot about the playground of performance from my nine fellow co-stars while playing the dying heroine Victoria's husband Harvey, a middle-aged hippie computer geek. 

The Spamalot Family Tree. I'm gracing the top with horns!
In late July I auditioned again at Bainbridge Performing Arts, a community theatre a one half-hour ferry ride from downtown Seattle. This time I was cast in the light-hearted, ferociously-funny musical, Spamalot, based on the 1975 film Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

I've never experienced such physical demands on my body as I learned 5 different production numbers and spent the entire fall rehearsing for the show. One of a cast of 18, I held my own singing, dancing, and  even parading around on stilts playing the Knight Who Says Ni. It was a grand time, and when it ended on Dec 21, I was grateful to have done the show and to be finished. I made some fine friendships in both productions and am looking forward to taking a rest during the first part of 2015. 

Scaling the heights of The Enchantments
July 5, 2014
While theatre dominated my attention this year, I also took time to venture into the great outdoors. Over the 4th of July holiday I joined a half dozen friends from my Outventures Seattle outdooring group to hike and camp for five days in the pristine wilderness area called The Enchantments. We encountered snow-capped mountains, billy goats, ice-crusted streams, and serenity par-excellance. 

My physical endurance was tested while hiking up stone ridges and cliffs with a 33 pound pack on my back carrying only the essentials--food, water, tent, sleeping bag, and minimal clothes. We cooked our meals over a roaring campfire, bathed and swam in cold, crisp mountain waters, and by the end of the adventure I discovered a sense of self-reliance and confidence in the outdoors I hadn't possessed before the trip began. It was a sublime experience.

With family (Andy, Rebecca, Lindsay, and Lin Misencik)
after Lake Erie Open Water Swim at GG9 in
Cleveland, August 2014
In early August another adventure beckoned, this time to my hometown of Cleveland where I registered to participate in the international sports competition Gay Games IX.  Nine other swimmers from my Masters swim group the Seattle Orcas joined me for a week of sporting and cultural events as Cleveland rolled out the red carpet for over 8,000 athletes from far (Russia, Australia, France, and England) and near (Cleveland-Akron). 

During the Games I stayed in my beloved Lakewood with my mother's tennis friend Fay who lives on Clifton, 3 blocks from Lakewood Park, where I lifeguarded as a teenager. I made new friends from South Dakota, California, and other places, in addition to reuniting with old friends from my college and high school days. My family and friends came to watch me compete in an open-water swim in Lake Erie along the beautiful coast of Edgewater Park as the sun rose over Downtown Cleveland and at Busby Natatorium at Cleveland State University. I coined my homecoming visit back to Cleveland my Trip to Bountiful, a rich time full of discoveries and unexpected pleasures. I'd truly come full circle.

Other travels included a trip to San Diego over Labor Day weekend to visit my friend Bret and reconnect with my Seattle swim friend Kathleen. And to Portland to visit dear friend and India travel companion Jenny and reunite with friends Ed and Michelle from our India travels. Jenny and I hope to join them in Portugal in later 2015. 

I also spent lots of time swimming and exploring life in Seattle with new friend Larry, whom I first
Summer reverie, Lar and Jack on my back deck, Aug 2014
met in 1997 through Kevin (see eastern Caribbean trip at top of letter). In addition to training with me  over the summer at the outdoor Colman Pool in preparation for the Gay Games in Cleveland, Lar and I enjoyed post swim picnics at Alki Beach. In September he helped me prepare for my Spamalot callback and ran my lines forward and backward with me during the run of the show. A gifted pianist and fixer of all sorts of gadgets, I'm lucky to have him in my life. Another blessing of 2014.

Wishing you and yours the best holiday ever.

With Love,
Jack



Saturday, December 13, 2014

A Lost Job, and A Mother's Legacy

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm"

--Winston Churchill--

Last month, just before Thanksgiving,  I was informed by my boss that she'd decided to eliminate my position. It didn't come as a surprise only because as a fundraiser for a community-based nonprofit, I knew what the measure of my success entailed: increasing revenue through growing our base of support.

A New Challenge
A proud biker, outside my Pioneer Square office, Spring 2014
After accepting the newly-created position of Development and Membership Manager with Bicycle Alliance of Washington in March 2012, I rolled up my sleeves and got to work, engaging former board members, donors, volunteers, and the membership. I knew challenges lay ahead with name recognition and an all-too-similar mission with Cascade Bike Club.

Yet we had a loyal core of supporters and donors. I made progress increasing unrestricted revenue. Major gifts, individual giving, specialty license plate sales, and GiveBIG donations--all grew over the course of 2012 and into 2013. Membership continued to remain flat and gradually began a month-by-month decline in 2014, with other revenue sources lagging behind compared to my first two years.

Trouble Ahead
By late September, my boss made it clear we were looking at a significant deficit. We would need to pull out all the stops at our annual November auction to surpass the record breaking years of 2012 and 2013. Early in the summer I began soliciting table captains and reaching out to past sponsors and in-kind donors so we were looking strong on this front. 320 guests attended the auction, the largest crowd we ever hosted. By all accounts a successful evening with engaged bidders and record attendance, at night's end gross earnings stood near $100 K, almost $50 K less than our projected goal. We came up short.

Two days later my boss and a board member sat down across the table from me and said they would need to cut my job out of the 2015 budget. Shock, embarrassment, shame that somehow I'd failed--all these feelings ran through my mind as she and I sat across from each other with glum expressions on our faces.

I'd forgotten the key to my office and suggested the board member follow me home on my bike so I could return it to them. He kindly offered to load my bike on the back of his SUV and drove me home. I gave my boss an awkward hug and thanked her for everything--they would provide November's salary and health care coverage through the end of the year, in addition to paying out my remaining vacation time. We agreed I'd return another day to clean out my desk and complete an exit interview.

At home, I retrieved the key and shook the hand of the board member who dropped me off. During the drive he'd asked if I had any insights about why membership continued to decline, and I shared with him my impressions that younger generations didn't buy into a membership model, especially without the clear benefits--early registration for popular rides and discounted classes--that our chief competitor Cascade Bike Club offered.

A Sistine Chapel Sky--Riding on my bike down 16th Ave.
Laying the Groundwork
On that sunny fall morning, I began the process of laying the groundwork for my future. First I called my former professor, mentor and friend Hubert to schedule lunch and let him know of my predicament. He immediately offered to serve as a reference for me, as he had in the past. I logged onto the state unemployment website and filed a benefits claim.

Then a small voice whispered in my ear, "This is a sacred time." I paused for a moment and allowed the words to sink in. Grateful that I would receive a month's salary, vacation pay, and likely qualify for unemployment, I rested in the knowledge that everything would be okay. I'd completed a chapter in my life journey. Now the time had come to follow the next fork in the road toward something new, maybe even better.

Being Led
I opened the door to my living room closet and there hung my yellow tennis bag with my Wilson aluminum tennis racquet. A few minutes before noon I changed into a pair of shorts, t-shirt, and my favorite white Izod tennis sweater, and slid into my tennis shoes. My bike still parked in the building hallway, I threw the tennis bag on my shoulders and headed out to the street and Volunteer Park.

The sun shone above me, the blue sky lit like a Sistine Chapel overhead. The autumn leaves still clinging to trees formed an umbrella as I rode down 16th toward Volunteer Park.
Parked at Volunteer Park

Arriving at the park, I passed the water tower, my favorite Black Sun sculpture by Noguchi and the glass-encased Conservatory. I could see the tennis courts in the distance and a smile spread across my face.

The green pavement, still damp with morning dew, glimmered in the light. I'd not visited here since spring time, why had I waited so long? Leaning my bike against the inside of the fence, I pulled out my racquet and a few used tennis balls from my bag. I had the place to myself.

"Now, you know the drill," I heard the small voice whisper again. I approached the pounding board and began hitting the tennis ball against the board, over and over again. I fell into a rhythm, almost hypnotic, that carried me back to my years in middle and high school growing up in suburban Cleveland and riding my bike to the Linden Park Tennis Courts.

The warmth of the fall day softened my neck and back muscles, and my legs pushed forward and back to the ricochet of the tennis ball bouncing from the board to my feet for another return.

I looked up to see the glistening orange, red, and yellow leaves clinging to the trees, a looming cloud covering the sun, and then evaporating, allowing brightness to reemerge.

An epiphany on the court
The Special Voice
And then I realized the voice, the prodding, the call to return to the tennis court came from my mother. Mom had introduced me to tennis at the tender age of 5. Dad, she, and I played on-and-off as a family on Sunday mornings during the warm weather months usually from May through early October.

My mother derived such joy from the game that she wanted to share it with me, much like she taught me how to ice skate and at a later age, cross-country ski. These three sporting activities, like old friends, reside forever in my body, as natural as the earth, wind, and sky.

As I continued serving the ball and wielding the racquet with greater accuracy and force, I could hear her voice egging me, encouraging me, reminding me. "Let it out, Jack," she'd say when experiencing the typical frustrations of adolescence.

"Grab your racquet, bike to the court, and let it out." She regaled me with stories of her own youth and how when she felt down or upset about a life event, she'd march down to the tennis court with her racquet and hammer the pounding board. Here I was all these years later following my deceased mother's advice.

"I failed," I thought. And yet I didn't fail. I would never have known had I not tried. Maybe that realization was good enough to know.

From deep within, a resonant sigh emerged. Like a steady wind seeping from a cracked window, I allowed it to escape.

Grounded on the Tennis Court
Pride and Joy
On this stunning autumn day I raised my head again toward the trees and blue sky and saw my mother, felt her presence, peering down on me with pride and joy. Her 51-year-old son concluding that losing his job would neither destroy him nor damage his life.

Over the past few weeks I've realized how losing a job, and applying for unemployment, feels like a death, a la Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. There are different stages--I first experienced acceptance before anger, denial, and depression reared their ugly heads. I'm still sorting through some of the more negative emotions.

The important lesson for this good Catholic son is to allow myself the chance to feel them.

Life and Love
Mom and me, Polaroid snapshot, August 1969
In the meantime, this past year I've returned to another childhood love, the theatre. Over the next two weekends I'll continue my performances in Monty Python's Spamalot at Bainbridge Performing Arts. Singing, dancing, and walking on stilts as the persnickety Knight Who Says Ni has given me a purpose this holiday season plus great comfort and satisfaction during this time of life change.

Who knows what will happen next? What I do know is that as I mature and gain wisdom I'm less enamored with sitting in an office behind a desk.

On this sunny December day in Seattle I'm hoping to return to the tennis court soon, where I have a sneaky suspicion new directions will reveal themselves.













Tuesday, December 24, 2013

From Seattle With Love: Holiday Letter 2013

"We are not born simply for the sake of personal survival. We are here to make life better for everyone."
--Joan Chittister, The Monastic Way, Dec 2013

Dec 24, 2013

Greetings from the Pacific Northwest!

After a drier, and warmer than usual, fall, Seattle did experience a sprinkling of snow last week, but it melted as quick as it came. The mountains in the distance look very white so I comfort myself knowing I can always travel to snow-laden destinations if the mood calls me.
L to R: Patrick, Chip, and Jack
post New Year Polar Dip

2013 began with an annual ritual friends and I adopted over a decade ago: a trip on New Years Day morning down to Lake Washington for a polar bear dip. This time friends Chip and Patrick accompanied me. Chip and I dove into the water and howled while Patrick recorded it on film.  It was sunny and bright for a third year in a row, which I always view as a good harbinger.

Then came India in late February. I joined my friend Jenny and three other couples back East for a twelve-day excursion to the Golden Triangle region: New Delhi, Agra, and Jaipur, or the Pink City as it's called. Glorious weather greeted us, as did curious monkeys near the Indian Parliament! The adventures only got better as we beheld the unforgettable Taj Mahal one stormy morning, toured ancient mosques and temples, dined on delicious Indian cuisine, observed sacred cows perched on street corners, and glided on glorious, costumed elephants. We enjoyed an extended visit in New Delhi at a bed and breakfast while new friend Arnab shared a personal perspective on his native city over three full days.
Jenny and Jack in Awe at the Taj Mahal, India 2013


In June, I marked 50 with my Bond, James Bond birthday celebration in Pioneer Square. Friends I made when I first touched down in Seattle in 1986 mixed and mingled with classmates from my graduate school days in the 90’s along with my swimming, singing, and work friends of today. We danced the night away, and everyone embraced the specialty drink, Pussy Galore. I was happy, and the good feelings and memories of that night lasted the whole year through. I am a lucky man to have such good people in my life who love and support me.
Bond Birthday in June: Chris Nilson, Ellen Stearns
 Hubert Locke, Me, and Suzanne Wolfe Nilson

Summertime brought open water swimming in Lake Washington and my swim team’s hosting IGLA, the International Gay and Lesbian Aquatic championships. While I didn’t compete in any of the heats, I did participate in the one-mile open water swim off Mercer Island, east of Seattle. It was a glorious morning, and I received a third place medal in my age group completing my swim with a time of 32 minutes, 29 seconds. I also made a new friend John, from Canada, during the competition. He returned to Seattle again in early October, and I look forward to visiting him in his native Edmonton next spring. 
Post Swim Meet, John and Jack Ride the Seattle Ferry

In late July I attended the three-day Pacific NW Writers Conference in Seattle. I pitched my book R.J., Farrah, and Me: A Young Man's Gay Odyssey from the Inside Out to a gaggle of agents and editors. Eight of them gave me their business cards inviting me to send them a portion of the book or in several cases the entire manuscript. I forwarded material to one editor and one agent; no word at press time whether they are going to make me a deal. In the meantime I continue to edit and revise my manuscript. I couldn’t accomplish what I have without the support and encouragement of fellow writers Elizabeth and Anne, who are inspirations in their own right.

Reclining in Hammock,
Summer of Solitude
I’ve spent a lot of time in solitude this year, maybe a result of reaching the half-century mark. I like myself, enjoy my work as a fundraiser and development manager, but continue asking the big questions. Where am I being called, and what innate talents of mine are seeking expression? I continue to feel that my interest in community building, spiritual development, and creative expression will lead me in new directions. I practice yoga and meditation each morning, explore my interest in Tantra, and in October traveled to Palisades, a retreat center on the Puget Sound for a three-day silent retreat sponsored by the Jesuit-led Seattle University. I still attend church at my neighborhood parish St. Joseph’s, even though I’m an irregular congregant. And I love the new pope, Francis. He gives me hope, the new pope does.

As the year comes to a close, I’m preparing to travel with my best friend in Seattle, Kevin, to join my Hilovsky cousins Marty and Barb and their families, for a cruise to the western Caribbean. We will visit Roatan off the coast of Honduras and snorkel/scuba, then on to Belize for a cave-tubing/zip line adventure, and from there sail to the Costa Maya and Cozumel, Mexico, for more exploration. I’m excited to be with my family, especially after the loss of my beloved “Aunt” Re-Re, who died on December 8 at the ripe age of 94. Time is short, and I don’t want to miss the opportunity to enjoy it with those whom I hold close. I am so grateful for my "blood" relatives and the adopted family I've created here in Seattle. And I am grateful for you.

May the blessings of the season be yours, and continue through 2014.

Love,

Jack

Thursday, December 12, 2013

My Forever Young "Aunt," A Tribute

I held a jewel in my fingers
And went to sleep.
The day was warm, and winds were prosy;
I said: "Twill keep."

I woke and chid my honest fingers,--
The gem was gone;
And now an amethyst remembrance
Is all I own.

--Emily Dickinson

We called her Re Re, and she was ours.

With her trademark platinum blonde curls and statuesque figure, Rhea Marie Bazur reveled in showering attention on her seven nieces and nephews: Brian, Michelle, Jack, Kevin, Lori, Betsy, and Angie. She called them her seven "lover buttons." Re Re and my mother Ruth were first cousins, born only three months apart, and grew up like sisters. By virtue of that closeness I was designated the eighth "lover button," lucky enough to see her more often than my cousins who lived in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Re Re and her mother (my great aunt Loretta) would often babysit for me when my parents snuck out for a date on Saturday nights.

In the early 1990's, Re Re dancing
in front of our Christmas tree
Those sleepovers became a highlight of my childhood. In the early to mid 1970's Saturday night television stood as a beacon of entertainment with All in the Family, Mary Tyler Moore, and Carol Burnett making everyone in America laugh out loud. Re Re and Loretta would play games with me in the early evening and then we'd tune into our favorite shows and snuggle on the white leather couch, the glow of the hearth warming us nearby. For a then shy, quiet seven-year-old boy without any siblings, their love and affection was worth gold. We'd prepare root beer floats in time for Carol Burnett to emerge and answer questions from the studio audience. Sometimes I'd fall asleep in their laps as they rubbed my back or ran their fingers through my hair.

While devoted to family, Re Re had a life of her own.  She worked in the accounting department for Standard Oil. Never married, she had a posse of girlfriends, and some guy friends.  She loved playing golf, would join in a game of tennis now and then to placate my mom, took ski vacations to exotic places like Yugoslavia, and loved to dance, embracing disco as if it were the next form of the jitterbug and in later years showcasing a bumper sticker that read "I'd Rather Be Dancing" on the back of her white Trans Am.

Re Re loved bright colors, and like my mom, enjoyed fashion and dressing up. She gobbled up pop culture. I remembered spotting Valley of the Dolls on her bookshelf and knowing even at age eight it was a scandalous, sexy novel. She liked reading about Hollywood and celebrities, much like I did, as evidenced by her collection of Photoplay, and later Star, magazines. I loved that even into the 1980's she told me she liked listening to the radio so she could keep up on the latest music. While she saw classic entertainers like Frank Sinatra and Beverly Sills in concert, she never lost interest in what was new and happening.
16 year old niece Angie and Re Re raid the
attic closet and go vintage for the camera

While we shared frivolous interests in music and entertainment, Re Re also imbued in me some important life lessons. One summer afternoon in 1975 en route to a family vacation I threw a banana peel out the back window of her lemon Dodge Dart. She pulled the car over. "Jackie," she began, "I'm surprised at you. We don't litter on our highways. Don't ever do that again." I felt embarrassed and ashamed, that somehow I'd disappointed her.  I never threw a piece of trash out the window of a car, much less trashed the environment thanks to her light, appropriate approach to seizing a teaching moment.

A child of the Great Depression Rhea conserved resources and often demonstrated parsimonious behavior. Whenever we visited McDonald's, a big treat for a kid in the 70's, she would ask to share my chocolate shake. I begrudgingly would allow her to take sips, understanding down deep that it was good to share, but also wanting my own. I laugh now, recalling my frustrated reaction. Maybe she was conscious of her budget, or simply wanted to watch her waistline on that statuesque figure she maintained for so long. Whatever, I learned how sharing brought people together.

I'm most grateful for her youthful, optimistic energy. Re Re took the time to spoil us with her attention without the distraction of her  own brood to mind. I would pull out the chalk board and play teacher while she and great aunt Loretta took on the roles of dutiful students. I recited by memory the entire story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs while they gave me their devoted attention and applauded my storytelling abilities. In later years we'd travel to Huntington Beach or Lakewood Park on Lake Erie and sit by the water enjoying the sound of waves and wind, or just soak in the sunshine, one of our favorite activities. Re Re's freckles all connected into one glorious tan, which she prized.

In 1997, Re Re left Cleveland to settle in Fort Wayne, closer to her most immediate family, my godparents and her seven nieces and nephews. She lived independently for several years and then moved into assisted living as her memory worsened. The last seven years she needed graduated nursing care. I visited her most recently in 2010 to celebrate her 91st birthday. I brought a cake, and she blew out the candles. She recognized me the minute I arrived. Pointing to the gray in my temples, she instructed me "to get rid of that." Neither she nor Mom were fans of "going silver." I laughed, and imagined my mother might have done the same. Young at heart, they both liked keeping up youthful appearances.

Mom, Re Re, and Me,  Cleveland, 1997
I'd made tentative plans to travel back to the Midwest in April to celebrate Re Re's 95th birthday. She'd recently moved to a new care facility and according to my cousin her demeanor and awareness had improved. Last Sunday morning I received word from my cousin Lori that dear Re Re, agitated and pale, was rushed by ambulance to Emergency. Lori arrived in time to gaze into the loving eyes of our childhood inspiration one last time before she drifted off to eternity.

Full of life, color, verve and vivacity, Re Re struck a unique chord in all our lives. She will be missed greatly. And yet like all great loves, she lives on, forever young.